10 Random Thoughts on Discipline

Tomorrow my husband and I and our three children will move back to the United States after two years of living in Europe. It will be a long travel day (understatement), no one is going to get much sleep, and it's highly likely (read: guaranteed) that someone (read: me) is going to lose it over something trivial at some point. I'm trying to consciously focus on being calm and in the present and taking things slowly. So far it's working because, well, we haven't gotten on the plane yet.

Anyway, this upcoming upheaval has me thinking a lot about my own discipline philosophy, and why gentle understanding and respect is always my goal . . . even when I'm stressed and screw it up. Today over at Connected Mom I've shared ten random thoughts on discipline that popped into my head while mentally preparing myself for the transition. Click here to read the list, and leave a comment with your thoughts.

Top Ten {Tuesday}: Breastfeeding Photos (part two)

Welcome to another Top Ten {Tuesday} post! Be sure to stop by Many Little Blessings and visit our host, Angie. 

Today's post is part two of my breastfeeding photo post. As I mentioned previously, these have all been used in various blog posts or shared on my Facebook page, but I've never gathered them all in one place before. Most are Andrew nursing at home and through our many travels, but a few others made the list as well. You can find part one here.

1. Agent A taking it easy on moving day. (April 2012)

2. Andrew and Momma at a playground in Barcelona. (June 2011)

3. Five-month-old A at the Boboli Gardens in Florence.

(April 2011)

4. At the Piazza San Marco in Venice . . . next to a sign that says
"no eating or drinking while sitting down." (August 2011)

5. Baby Agent A (8 weeks, hiding behind Julia) nursing 

on Christmas. (December 2010)

6. Outside of our apartment building. (February 2012)

7. Following a gelato break in Palermo (Sicily). (July 2011)

8. Hanging in the hotel we stayed at in Venice. (August 2011)

9. At Planet Hollywood London (with sleeping Julia).

(March 2012)

10. A painting at the Louvre. (December 2011)

Thanks for reading and have a blessed day.

Top Ten {Tuesday}: Breastfeeding Photos (part one)

Welcome to Top Ten {Tuesday} hosted by Angie at Many Little Blessings. After a brief bout of Momma rage over the weekend, you can be assured we're back to kitty cats and daisy petals here. 

Today I'm sharing another photo post . . . this one of breastfeeding art I've discovered on our travels as well as pictures of Agent A nursing in various locations we've visited. All of these pictures have already been shared either in a previous post or on my Facebook wall, but I've never put them all together in one place. And I discovered that I have so many of them that this is going to be part one of two. (So be sure to stop by next Tuesday to see the rest!)

These are in no particular order; just how I found them when skimming through my very full iPhoto files. Enjoy.

1. Agent A taking a break at this old Italian farmhouse 

where we had family pictures taken. (April 2012)

2. Sitting outside Westminster Abbey after our tour. (March 2012)

3. Andrew's newfound fascination with holding on 

to something while he nurses. (May 2012)

4. One of the sculptures I snapped a photo of on our visit 

to the Louvre. (December 2011)

5. Four-year-old Agent E nursing Daisy Duck 

at our hotel in Germany. (July 2010)

6. Eva breastfeeding her doll alongside me breastfeeding 

two-week-old Andrew. (November 2010)

7. Agent A taking a little break on our second trip 

to Florence. (August 2011)

8. Fountain of Neptune (aka, lactating sea nymph) 

in Bologna, Italy. (July 2010)

9. Nursing Agent A in Hyde Park, London. (March 2012)

10. Andrew pausing at the top of the Eiffel Tower 

while Eva looks on. (December 2011)

And a bonus one:

11. Waiting for the bus to take us back to the cruise ship 

following our tour in Lerici, Italy. (July 2011)

Thanks for reading and have a blessed day.

A Tale of Two Weanings

Welcome to the Carnival of Weaning: Weaning - Your Stories
This post was written for inclusion in the Carnival of Weaning hosted by Code Name: Mama and Aha! Parenting. Our participants have shared stories, tips, and struggles about the end of the breastfeeding relationship.


While pregnant with Agent E, I read a lot of mainstream books and magazines. I hadn't yet discovered the joys of Facebook and all the wonderful information contained within, but I did receive e-mail updates weekly telling me my baby had eyelashes or reached the size of a small gerbil. Breastfeeding always seemed to get a mention. Sometimes in a very positive way, listing all the "benefits" (don't get me started) and various tips. Sometimes in a neutral way, offering it up as one equal choice of two. Sometimes simply making it sound like an awful lot of work. At the time I was decidedly non-crunchy and viewed breastfeeding as mainly a financial choice.

Then I actually had a baby and survived those early days of nursing and things began to change. Long story short, I became a Breastfeeding Momma and my whole mothering worldview shifted.

They were both "still" nursing when this picture was taken

Eva weaned in August 2009, at age 3 years 3 months. Julia weaned in June 2010, at age 2 years 2 months. Following is a little about each of their stories.

I intended to wean Eva on her third birthday. I know it sounds totally arbitrary, but at the time it made perfect sense to me. Then we had the Great Spider Incident, a week-long saga in which some evil bug or spider (I'm still not 100% sure what) chomped on her leg and it swelled up ridiculously, and then she got a fever, and started puking, and ended up in urgent care on a Sunday morning (Mother's Day 2009 to be exact) and received lots of strong antibiotics for an additional two weeks. This all began the week of her birthday, so of course I couldn't stop nursing her then. I never really pushed the issue for most of the summer. (Hubby had left in February and we were just trying to survive mid-deployment insanity.) But then around the beginning of August I noticed she was only nursing for about a minute before bed, and almost never fell asleep nursing. She had long since given up napping, so we had been at the "only bedtime" stage for quite a while, but now even that seemed to be more of a cursory nod rather than a true need, or even a heartfelt want.

So we stopped. I don't remember the last time I nursed Eva. I imagine we probably sat in the rocker in our bedroom at bedtime and she nursed for 30-60 seconds before putting her down in bed and her drifting off. It may have taken a few days of "reminders" that we just snuggled at bedtime now, but no real fuss or muss of any kind.

By the time Julia came along, I had more of a clue. I had already breastfed for almost two years, including through the entire pregnancy. We had none of the difficulties Eva and I had. Julia latched on immediately and never looked back.

Julia became more of a "serious" nurser than Eva; she rarely nursed for comfort, even as a newborn, and pretty much took an all-business approach. I was actually a bit surprised when she continued showing an interest past her first birthday, yet she did. I became pregnant with her little brother when she was 21 months old, and we started the pregnancy with our nursing relationship humming along at its usual pace.

Agent J on our trip to Germany, about 2 weeks after she weaned

I had this picture in my head of what our "last time" would be like. It didn't turn out quite the way I hoped or expected. One night as she nursed before bed, I unlatched her because she was chomping too hard and I was getting sore and told her that was enough (in a not so nice tone) and she started to sob. And then I did, too. Although, I think it was more cathartic than sad; we both knew. It was kind of a long goodbye . . . there had been several times when she seemed "done" and yet would ask again a day or two later. We were both ready; I just wish I had been more kind with her during that particular incident. She never asked to nurse again after that night.

Part of me was sad because I really, really wanted to remember her last nursing session as positive, especially since I could barely recall Eva's. Truthfully, though, I enjoyed the "break" I had from nursing for about five months until Andrew came along. 

I breastfed both of them for one year and three months. I nursed two children to sleep every night for over a year. Both girls remember nursing fondly, as I mused about in For the Love of Moe. They have watched their little brother nurse many, many times and talk about how some day they will do the same for their babies. Breastfeeding is so ho hum to them. It's just what mommies and babies do.

One final note: I have no pictures of Eva breastfeeding. More than three years, and not one photo. I have one of Julia, taken when she was about 2.5 months old. This is why I take (and post) a bazillion and one photos of Andrew nursing. If you are reading this and you are just beginning your nursing relationship, photograph it. Have someone take pictures for you at every opportunity. You won't regret it.

Have you weaned one of your own children? What did the experience look like for you?

Thanks for reading and have a blessed day.

Thank you for visiting the Carnival of Weaning hosted by Dionna at Code Name: Mama and Dr. Laura at Aha! Parenting.
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants (and many thanks to Joni Rae of Tales of a Kitchen Witch for designing our lovely button):

• On Breastfeeding, Weaning, and One Mother’s Identity — Jessica at Natural Parents Network has been nursing one or more of her children since 1993 - breastfeeding is wrapped up in her concept of mothering and herself. She shares her thoughts on weaning.
• two tales of weaning — Aspen at Aspen Mama writes about their countdown to wean.
• Wean Me Gently — Tam at Please Send Parenting Books shares a beautiful weaning ceremony.
• You say potato, I say bleeeuuuuch... — Anelie at Mindcradle had read the books and knew just how to introduce her baby son to solids—unfortunately, he had other ideas.
• A Post Called Weaning — (Not) Maud at Awfully Chipper writes about how weaning her son took longer than she expected.
• On Weaning, Pregnancy and Emotion — Shannon at The Artful Mama talks about her mixed emotions as she allows her son, Little Man, to guide her through his weaning process.
• half of her life — Staci at Springpatch Jam looks back on her nursing relationship with her first born.
• Is it just this After Forty Mom or is it harder to wean when its your last? — Amanda of After Forty Mom shares her emotional journey towards the impending self-weaning of her toddler daughter.
• Nursing Limits — Jorje of Momma Jorje shares how she has weaned her toddler down to minimal nursing and her guilt about the decision to do so.
• Weaning Video Series #1: Preparation for the Weaning Process — Why is weaning such a taboo topic? Dionna at Code Name: Mama got mamas from across the blogosphere to start talking about weaning - on video. Come check out the first video in a series of five that she'll be posting this week.
• Weaning due to anxiety — Shannon at Pineapples & Artichokes talks about how she had to wean to preserve her mental health.
• When Will I Wean? A Guest Post — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama hosts a guest post from a mama who contemplates when her breastfeeding relationship will end.
• On His Own Terms — Momeeezen shares her heartbreak from when her son weaned much earlier than she anticipated.
• Our Weaning Story - Sudden, Surprised, and Embracing a New Season — Weaning doesn't always go how we imagine. That Mama Gretchen shares the story of her daughter's sudden weaning and how she has embraced this new season of motherhood.
• A Tale of Two Weanings — Valerie at Momma in Progress shares the similarities and differences of how her nursing relationships with her now six-year-old and four-year-old daughters came to a close.
• She Doesn't Remember — Alicia at Lactation Narration finds that her 6 year old no longer remembers nursing, only one year after weaning.
• It's The End of the World As We Know It — A story about the end of a tandem nursing relationship on Never Mind The Rain: A toddler moves on to a new phase in her life before mom is fully ready.
• A Natural End To Our Breastfeeding Relationship — With two self-weaning children, Jennifer at Our Muddy Boots does not know when the end will come, but that it will be natural and without regrets.
• Child-Led weaning: It's Not Extreme; It's Biological — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children explains why child-led weaning is based on biology rather than social constraints.
• 6 Years of Natural Weaning in 5 Steps — Jess at miniMum shares how and why she let her first child stop when he was good and ready.
• Is This Weaning?: A Tandem Nursing Update — Sheila at A Living Family bares all her tandem nursing hopes and fears during what feels like the beginning of the end for her toddler nursing relationship.
• Memories of Weaning: Unique and Gentle — Cynthia at The Hippie Housewife shares her weaning experiences with her two sons, each one unique in how it happened and yet equally gentle in its approach.
• Weaning Aversion' — Gentle Mama Moon shares her experience of nursing and unplanned weaning due to pregnancy-induced 'feeding aversion'.
• Three Months Post-Mup: An Evolution of Thoughts On Weaning — cd at FidgetFace describes a brief look at her planned (but accelerated) weaning, as well as one mamma's evolution on weaning (and extended nursing)
• Weaning my Tandem Nursed Toddler — After tandem nursing for a year, Melissa at Permission to Live felt like weaning her older child would be impossible, but now she shares how gentle weaning worked for her 2 1/2 year old.
• Every Journey Begins with One Step — As Hannabert begins the weaning process, Hannah at Hannah and Horn's super power is diminishing.
• Reflections on Weaning - Love Changes Form — Amy from Presence Parenting (guest posting at Dulce de Leche) shares her experience and approach of embracing weaning as a continual process in parenting, not just breastfeeding.
• Weaning Gently: Three Special Ideas for Success — MudpieMama shares three ideas that help make weaning a gentle and special journey.
• Guest Post: Carnival of Weaning — Emily shares her first weaning experience and her hopes for her second nursling in a guest post on Farmer's Daughter.
• 12 Tips for Gentle Weaning — Dr. Laura at Aha! Parenting describes the process of gentle weaning and gives specific tips to make weaning an organic, joyful ripening.
• Quiz: Should You Wean for Fertility Treatments? — Paige at Baby Dust Diaries talks about the key issues in the difficult decision to wean for infertility treatments.
• I thought about weaning... — Kym at Our Crazy Corner of the World shares her story of how she thought about weaning several times, yet it still happened on its own timeline.
• Celebrating Weaning — Amy at Anktangle reflects on her thoughts and feelings about weaning, and she shares a quick tutorial for one of the ways she celebrated this transition with her son: through a story book with photographs!
• Naturally Weaning Twins — Kristin at Intrepid Murmurings discusses the gradual path to weaning she has taken with her preschool-aged twins.
• Gentle Weaning Means Knowing When to Stop — Claire at The Adventures of Lactating Girl writes about knowing when your child is not ready to wean and taking their feelings into account in the process.
• Weaning, UnWeaning, and ReWeaning — Jennifer at True Confessions of a Real Mommy discovers non-mutal weaning doesn't have to be the end. You can have a do-over.
• Prelude to weaning — Lauren at Hobo Mama talks about a tough tandem nursing period and what path she would like to encourage her older nursling to take.
• Demands of a Nursing Kind — Amy Willa at Me, Mothering, and Making it All Work shares her conflicted feelings about nursing limits and explores different ways to achieve comfort, peace, and bodily integrity as a nursing mother.
• Breastfeeding: If there's one thing I know for sure... — Wendy at ABCs and Garden Peas explores the question: How do you know when it's time to wean?
• Five, Four, Three, Two, One, Two, Three? — Zoie at TouchstoneZ discusses going from 3 nurslings down to 1 and what might happen when her twins arrive.

Momma Gets Mad

Let me just start by saying it's probably a good thing our Internet connection went out for most of the day Friday, because if I had the ability to post this right after I wrote it, extensive cursing would have been involved. (Full disclosure: Some, um, harsh language, did make it through. So much for being a sweet little blog. We'll return to that next week.) I sat with my cursor on the "publish" key for a while on this one. It's not my usual edited to death-ness and I composed it while feeling quite ticked. Enjoy.

Hubby and I on one of our first dates . . . at the Navy Ball

It takes a lot to really irk me. I do not offend easily. One of my biggest peeves is when folks claim they are offended by something when what they really mean is they disagree with something. It's not the same.

I read plenty of things I don't agree with. People have different views. I get it. I have friends/relatives I've either deleted or hidden from my personal Facebook account because they constantly post crap about politics and it makes me batty. But I'm not offended, just annoyed. On my blog's Facebook page, I follow a lot of other parenting bloggers, so on any given day fellow writers post about vaccinating vs. not vaccinating, circumcising vs. not circumcising, co-sleeping vs. cry it out. If you've read my blog before, you probably know where I stand on these issues (among others) but I don't make a huge deal out of it (usually). I don't post every little article and snippet I come across just to make a point. I try to be nice and remain positive, and stay clear of conspiracy theories. As strongly as I feel about these particular issues, not one of them is a hill I'm willing to die on. As a matter of fact, up until yesterday I didn't even think I had such a mountain.

I found my mountain.

Our wedding day in 2003

Friday morning a status came through my Facebook newsfeed that I had to look at a few times to make sure I understood: A cartoonish picture of Hitler's army, with two bystanders having a conversation about not supporting Hitler but supporting what his troops were doing. Clearly aimed at those who say they do not support our country's policies but still support our troops. Implying that this is the same as supporting war crimes and other horrors. No I won't link to it. No I won't tell you who posted it.

But it completely pissed me off.

Now I know what you're thinking . . . it was meant to be a joke. Lots of folks disagree with our involvement in the Middle East. Many Americans openly despise the war, the president, our comings and goings in the region, etc. That may be the opinion of some people, of many people, of a lot of people. I don't particularly care. That's not the only thing this picture and quote implied.

Three-year-old Agent E watching Daddy's ship pull in
after a 7-month deployment

This pathetic attempt at humor purposely disparaged and belittled not only our military personnel, but also their supporters, their friends, their parents, their spouses, their children. Saying that people who stand behind our armed forces, whether or not they agree with their actions, are akin to Nazis? Really? This is not okay.

I know what you see in the news; I see it, too. I also know there are some who are naive enough to believe the only time our military is necessary is when we are fighting someone. That is simply not true. Our soldiers and sailors are deployed all over the world 365 days a year. They are helping people improve their lives. They are building homes and schools. They are protecting civil rights. They are kicking pirates' asses. It's not just about war. It's not just about terrorists. It has nothing to do with your jackhole "I don't think we should be involved in xyz" opinion. I don't give a rat's ass how you feel about the president (current or past) or our government.

Our armed forces help all of you. Every day. You don't have to support the ideas of our military leaders and politicians to support our troops. They are out there daily serving you. Every single one of you benefits from the sacrifices our military personnel (and their loved ones) make. Young men and women leave their own families for months (or years) at a time to protect and defend your freedoms.

My Sweet Baboo with Captain Phillips
(Yes, that Captain Phillips)

Including the freedom to post ridiculous shit on your Facebook page.

So, the next time you see a man or woman in uniform, please take the time to thank them. Trust me, they will appreciate it. Thank their families, too. They will appreciate it even more.

Thank you for reading, thank you for stopping by my mountain, thank you for supporting our troops, and have a blessed day.

Moving As Motivation To Go Green

We're going to be moving into a new home in a few weeks. I plan to use this transition as an opportunity for increasing my crunchiness, so to speak, and getting just a little bit greener.

We take small steps now. We reduce, reuse, and recycle. We use cloth diapers and wipes most of the time. We're careful about our water use and combine car trips/errands whenever possible. (And not just because I hate driving.) However, I know we can do better. My hope is that setting up a new home will motivate me to encourage simple, everyday changes with our housekeeping, eating, and self-care.

What I really want is for my children to see that this is just how we do things. I want taking care of the earth, eating healthy, and using earth-friendly products to be a natural part of their lives, not an abstract concept. My plan is to concentrate on just three areas and continue to make steady progress while involving my children in my thought process as much as possible. 

To read more about some of the changes I'm looking forward to trying, click over to Connected Mom.

Top Ten {Tuesday}: Attachment Parenting and Breastfeeding Resources

Joining up with Angie at Many Little Blessings for Top Ten {Tuesday} once again.

Unless you've been under a rock the past week, you may have heard about this Time article. Myriad ideas—some positive, some negative, some truthful, some fabricated—have made the rounds. As an advocate of attachment parenting myself, as well as a supporter of breastfeeding, it saddens me to think of all the incomplete messages swirling around out there. So this week I am providing a list of AP and breastfeeding resources. This is a very basic starting point for anyone interested in learning more about AP and how it might look in action, as well as an introduction to common topics and questions surrounding breastfeeding. These links answer the kinds of questions I had as a new mom trying to figure it all out.

Attachment Parenting

1. Let's start with an overview of attachment theory from Wikipedia (simple Psych 101 stuff).

2. Next, let's consider What AP Is (from Ask Dr. Sears).

AP is an approach, rather than a strict set of rules. It's actually the style that many parents use instinctively. Parenting is too individual and baby too complex for there to be only one way. The important point is to get connected to your baby, and the baby B's of attachment parenting help. Once connected, stick with what is working and modify what is not. You will ultimately develop your own parenting style that helps parent and baby find a way to fit – the little word that so economically describes the relationship between parent and baby.—from the Ask Dr. Sears website [emphasis mine]

Sibling bonding: The early days

3. It is also important to keep in mind What AP Is Not (another one from Ask Dr. Sears).

4. Attachment Parenting International provides this overview of What Is Attachment Parenting?. 

5. API's Eight Principles of Parenting explores the tenets of attachment parenting in more detail.

Breastfeeding

6. All of the articles on  breastfeeding from the American Academy of Pediatrics can be found at this link.

8. Health Topics: Breastfeeding provides links to all the breastfeeding articles at the World Health Organization website.

Exclusive breastfeeding is recommended up to 6 months of age, with continued breastfeeding along with appropriate complementary foods up to two years of age or beyond. Breastfeeding is the normal way of providing young infants with the nutrients they need for healthy growth and development. Virtually all mothers can breastfeed, provided they have accurate information, and the support of their family, the health care system and society at large. Colostrum, the yellowish, sticky breast milk produced at the end of pregnancy, is recommended by WHO as the perfect food for the newborn, and feeding should be initiated within the first hour after birth.—from the World Health Organization website [emphasis mine]

Toddler breastfeeding: Always normal, often humorous

9. La Leche League International provides a wealth of information (in multiple languages).

10.  While I primarily think of KellyMom as a go-to site for breastfeeding information, it is also a great resource for general parenting questions.

I hope that if the Time article sparked your interest in AP, child-led weaning, or any aspect of gentle parenting you will peruse some of these links to learn more. Feel free to share.

Thanks for reading and have a blessed day.